I am a people-pleaser at heart. I do not like dispute and essentially desire everybody to concur with me. Do not get me incorrect, I see the worth in perky argument (I went to law school mainly for this factor), however I actually simply desire everybody to concur — — with me, obviously. I do not like to ruffle plumes and I desire individuals to like me, dammit.

Over time, I’ve understand simply how unproductive — — and hazardous — this limitless mission to make everybody pleased all the time can be. I’ve completely accepted the “I’m not nutella” truth and comprehend that I can’t be whatever to everybody. I’ve likewise grown more comfy in my own skin and comprehend who I am.

I’m a gotten taste with no tolerance for bullshit and a killer RBF. Which suggests I’m not winning any appeal contests and some individuals simply do not like me.

I’m cool with that, and I’ve welcomed an IDGAF mindset when it pertains to people-pleasing.

The “I’m not nutella, not everybody is gon na like me” mindset is the self-love viewpoint du jour. And it’s terrific. Actually.

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Like all things, there are threats in this mindset. There is an unsafe side to this mindset.

.Since some folks utilize it to excuse doubtful habits, #ppppp>. They utilize it to validate not listening. When they fuck up and decline to have those difficult discussions, they utilize it to prevent saying sorry. Which is not fine.

That isn’t self-acceptable or self-love; it’s being a jerk.

So let’s speak about what “I’m not nutella” indicates — — and what it does not suggest.

” I am who I am” works for things like liking c and w or Jimmy Buffett. It does not offer you approval to be hurt or disrespectful individuals with your “ruthless sincerity.”

” Not everybody is gon na like me” works when you like to stay at home in your pajamas and another person likes to celebration all night, it works when you like to swear and somebody else bristles at the word “damn.” When you act like a jerk and shut somebody down without listening, it does not work.

The “I’m not nutella” approach suggests you do not need to lose time attempting to impress everybody, you do not require to alter who you are so that you harmonize everybody else. You definitely do require to be a considerate human. It does not provide you a complimentary pass on overlooking those who disagree with you and or turning to name-calling and individual attacks.

The difficulty with all of these knee-jerk “I am who I am” and “not everybody’s gon na like me” actions is that they can avoid development. They can keep us from attempting to be much better, from finding out, from altering. They can keep us stuck in an echo chamber of just ourselves and others who act and believe like us.

Oh, and in some cases it simply makes you seem like a huge asshole.

Folks, we need to enjoy and accept ourselves. We need to not hang out fretting about individuals who do not understand our hearts or who we truly are. We need to not alter who we are so that others like us.

But we should not put blinders on either. We should not alter who we are, however we can alter how we act if it’s harming individuals. We should not prevent self-reflection. We should not stop attempting to enhance so we can pursue being our finest selves. We should not draw on the “not everybody is gon na like me, I’m not nutella” action when we have actually injured somebody.

So by all methods, keep your “you do you, I am who I am” viewpoint. Know who you are and take pride in it. By god, do not stick your head in the sand and call it self-love and individual approval. Since then it’s truly simply lack of knowledge and rejection. And no one likes that.

The post The ‘‘ You’re Not Nutella’ Attitude Isn’t A Free Pass appeared initially on Scary Mommy .

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